When the Mongols Tried Invading Japan

One thing led to another and before you know it, I’m stripping down to my underwear in the middle of a restaurant. The most Dionysian Mongolian man living in Japan is loudly singing drinking songs while he tries to help me fit in a (tiny) Mongolian wrestler outfit. Every now and then, he hands me the horn of some bovine creature filled with milk and some strange kind of booze, and encourages me to drink.

How the hell did it come to this?

Maybe it started with Ghost of Tsushima, the greatest video game ever made.

I love playing historical video games. History books, historical fiction novels, movies, tv series, video games… all of these are tools helping me to immerse myself in a particular time period. Ghost of Tsushima is, in my opinion, the greatest historical video game ever made. Not only are the setting, graphics and game play insanely beautiful—the game captures the natural beauty of Japan in an incredible way—but the writing is on par with some of the best books I’ve ever read. Before I get side tracked, I’ll stop myself here since it’d be easy to get lost in a Ghost of Tsushima rabbit hole. As far as it concerns our story, let just say that the game takes place in 1274, during the first attempted invasion of Japan by the Mongols. Spending dozens of hours in that historical setting, and loving every second of it, made me extra interested in the real events that inspired the game.

At some point I may do a full History on Fire episode on this topic. So far, I covered it in a mini-episode exclusive to supporters, but it’s possible that down the road I may discuss the story more in greater depth. Told in a nutshell, the story goes something like this:

For the previous several decades, the Mongols had conquered everything they set their eyes on, taking down all the most powerful states throughout Europe, Asia and the Middle East. By 1266, Kublai Khan (one of Genghis Khan’s grandsons who ruled over China) sent ambassadors to Japan politely but firmly inviting them to submit. Japanese authorities ignored the ambassadors. Channeling his inner Glenn Close, Kublai thought, “I will not be ignored!” (if this reference makes no sense to you, check out Fatal Attraction). In his next letter, Kublai was less polite, and included the line” You stupid little barbarians. Do you dare to defy us by not submitting?” Japanese authorities enthusiastically replied, “Yes, we dare. And while we are at it, dear Kublai, we’d also like to tell you to eat shit and die.” Ok, probably they didn’t say those exact words, but close enough. Kublai didn’t take it well and sent an army of thousands to storm the islands of Tsushima and Iki. The usual looting, pillaging and random murdering of civilians ensued. One of the grossest details reported in the sources tell of the Mongols piercing the hands of some captive women in order to run a rope through their palms and tie them in a human chain. And for good measure, they strung them as decorations around their ships. After wrecking Japanese defenses, the Mongol army turned around and left. The likely explanation is that this was never intended to be anything more than a reconnaissance expedition.

After this, Kublai probably thought he had made his point and now the Japanese would see the error of their ways and surrender. A new round of ambassadors found out the Japanese were not in a surrendering mood. Instead, they chopped off the heads of the ambassadors. A rather rude thing to do, even by the standards of the times. Kublai was busy conquering southern China, but he promised himself he’d take care of Japan as soon as possible. In 1281, the time had finally come. This time there would be no reconnaissance. This would be a full scale invasion. After the usual pillaging on Tsushima and Iki, the invading army attacked at Hakata Bay, by the city of Fukuoka. Knowing that this was the likely place for a new attack, the Japanese had built a defensive wall, and it was by this very well that a brutal battle would be fought. The Japanese were able to push the invading army back out to sea, and by that point a typhoon rolled in destroying almost the entire fleet. The invasion had failed.

Speaking of the wall at Hakata Bay, here’s a video I recently shot while visiting that exact spot as part of a tour organized by my friend Teras at Geek Nation Tours.

And here are some photos:

Ok, so how do we go from this to me ending up in my underwear in the middle of a restaurant?

Considering that we were going to spend the night in Fukuoka and we spent the day exploring this history, it seemed fitting to dine at a Mongolian restaurant. Little did we know what was in store for us…

The restaurant itself was set up in the shape of a yurt. The owner and chef was a Mongolian man who didn’t seem to share his ancestors’ bellicose tendencies. His main priorities seemed to involve drinking, singing, smiling from ear to ear, and yelling at his assistant to join him in a song (“Takashi! Sing!) At one point he gave a beautiful speech about his nomadic philosophy. He said that like his ancestors, he doesn’t like staying in one place for too long. He mentioned having been to ONLY 164 countries. As he put it, “Home is wherever I stop. The ground is my bed. The clouds are my roof. The rain is my water. The river is my bath.”

Before long, he began telling every customer that it was time for them in Mongolian clothes. Back in US, this may have started tedious discussions about cultural appropriation. None of that stuff mattered to him. He was determined to make the dining experience into a party, and nothing would stand in his way.

Multiple drinking songs later, he placed in my hands a horn filled to the brim.

Things got a little hazy after that. Next thing I know, he’s telling me and my friend Atanas to strip and get into Mongolian wrestler outfits. Considering that eagle-dancing is part of the Mongolian wrestlers’ routine, and I was more than a bit buzzed, it seemed like an appropriate follow-up.

Here are a few more pics testifying to the weirdness of our night.

Long story short, if you find yourself in Fukuoka, look this guy up at Su-ho Dining Bar.