The King of Kings vs. The Nomadic Queen

I just released a new mini-documentary on YouTube. I’m going to keep doing this throughout 2024 to see if it gets enough traction. If it does, great. Then, I’ll keep doing it. If it doesn’t, by the end of 2024, I’ll probably stop with the documentaries since they take more time to edit than podcast episodes. So, if you’d be so kind as to subscribe to the YouTube channel, it’d be deeply appreciated.

Having said of that, if for particular reasons you have a deep-seated hatred of YouTube (a YouTube-watching babysitter dropped you on your head as a baby, or something of that sort), I’m here to help! So, below you’ll find a written version that is more or less close to the script for the the latest documentaries. I hope you like it!

Recently, I have been doing lots of research on the culture of steppe nomads such as the Scythians, Sarmatians, etc. I’m planning a History on Fire episode about them for the not too distant future. But in the meantime, please allow me to tell you about a specific tale that I particularly love. Let me introduce you to a lady who shows up only briefly in recorded history, but does so in a very powerful way.

Our story takes place in around the year 530 BCE and it involves a man who was possibly the most important figure in the entire history of the Persian Empire. That would be Cyrus the Great, who had defeated multiple kingdoms and turned the Persians from one of many groups vying for control of the Middle East into the principal power of them all. After such a dominant career, around the year 530 BCE Cyrus proposed marriage to a lady named Tomyris. She was the queen of a people known as the Massagetae who lived around modern day Turkmenistan, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Iran and probably a bunch more places in that area. It’s a little difficult to pinpoint their territory precisely since they were nomadic, and we have no documents detailing their exact movements.

Culturally, the Massagetae were Scythian, and were probably related to them. But due to some intertribal rivalries, it was them who had pushed the Western Scythians toward the Black Sea. Considering that their Western cousins were the scourge of many Western kingdoms the fact that the Massagetae could beat them and push them west tells us a lot about how scary these guys were. Herodotus had this to say ‘They fight both on horseback and on foot.... They use bows and lances but their favourite weapon is the battleaxe. They also used much gold in their personal decoration and that of their horses’ (Herodotus Hist. i. 215). 

The marriage proposal was not a case of Cyrus being hot for the nomadic queen. It was politics as most royal marriages typically are. Cyrus already had wives, and he was just looking to add one more wife to the royal harem, so that her people could be incorporated within the Persian Empire without having to fight them. Having the Massagetae just outside of his frontier unnerved Cyrus who was concerned about their possible raids. In light of that, it makes perfect sense for Cyrus to go for the low hanging fruit and try to solve the issue with a diplomatic marriage. Tomyris’ husband had died a while back, so Cyrus figured it was only right for a real man like him to take the reins and rule her people.

Tomyris didn’t see it that way and told him to shove it. She was the queen of a free people, and not about to volunteer to get locked up in a harem, not even in the harem of the most powerful man in that part of the world. Good, ole Cyrus was not used to hearing the word ‘no’ very often. Anyone who uttered that word to him usually ended up dead. Who was this uppity nomad wench living in a tent to reject his marriage proposal? He was the King of Kings. That insult could not go unavenged. Cyrus had beaten anyone who had ever dared to defy him, so he figured it’d be no problem adding the Massagetae to the list. Plus, once upon a time the ancestors of the Persians had also been nomads and they were still no slouches on horseback and with a bow in their hands. According to Herodotus, learning how to ride and shoot the bow were cornerstones of a Persian education. And so, feeling confident, Cyrus got his invincible army together and marched toward Tomyris’ territory.

In order to reach her, he had to cross a major river in modern day Turkmenistan. For this purpose, his army began building a giant bridge. Tomyris sent him a message saying something along the lines of ‘just quit already since you’ll only end up hurting yourself.’ An actual quote from her message included the line “Stop and be king of your own country… but if you will not take this advice… then you are welcome to test the strength of my people.” She went on to say she’d withdraw her people from the river and let him cross so he could have the war he so craved. She also offered to give battle on his side of the river, if he preferred it that way. Cyrus didn’t prefer it that way. One of his advisors told him “it would be a shameful thing and not to be endured if Cyrus the son of Cambyses should yield and give ground before a woman.” As a result, Cyrus decided to cross the river. As promised, Tomyris let him cross and prepared for battle.

Cyrus, however, hadn’t conquered a giant chunk of the world by being stupid. He was a sly old fox and knew that the first principle in warfare is deception. What he did was set up a trap to stack the deck in his favor. He prepared a giant feast in camp with lots of food and especially undiluted wine. Then he retreated with the bulk of his army, leaving only a smaller contingent behind. This contingent was made of pawns he was willing to sacrifice. A portion of the Massagetae attacked and easily conquered this camp. After their victory, they filled their bellies and got royally drunk. And that’s when Cyrus and the rest of his army showed up again, quickly defeating them and taking many prisoners. Among the POWs was a general who happened to be Tomyris’ son.

By now Cyrus felt like he had all he needed to get everything he wanted and more. Tomyris would now have to beg for her son, accept the marriage, and turn the kingdom over to him. Tomyris sent him a fiery message accusing him of being a coward for using tricks to capture her son, rather than winning in an honest battle. She threatened that if Cyrus returned her son, she’d let him return home. Otherwise… “if you will not, then I swear to you by the sun, lord of the Massagetae, that I shall satisfy your thirst for blood.” Cyrus wasn’t overly worried with these threats, but at this juncture something happened to deprive him of his strategic advantage.

Tomyris’ son realized he was being used to blackmail his mother and queen. Proving that he also knew a thing or two about tricks, he convinced Cyrus to free his hands… after all, he was prisoner in a Persian camp, where was he gonna go? Cyrus saw no harm in this, but he had not anticipated the next move. The moment his hands were free, Tomyris’ son killed himself. Cyrus no longer had a precious hostage with whom to manipulate Tomyris. Now, all he had was an angry barbarian queen whose grief gave strength to her desire for vengeance.

Tomyris led her army to meet Cyrus on the field of battle. What followed, in Herodotus’ opinion, was the most violent battle that he knew of among foreign nations. Considering Herodotus wrote about dozens of insanely brutal battles, this is really saying something. Eventually, the Massagetae did what no other nation had been able to do. They destroyed the Persian army, and killed the King of Kings himself. Rather than gaining a wife and a kingdom, Cyrus lost his head. According to Herodotus, Tomyris filled a wineskin with blood, had Cyrus decapitated and placed his head in the wineskin. Herodotus reports her words: “Though I am alive and have defeated you in battle, you have destroyed me, taking my son by guile; but just as I threatened, I give you your fill of blood.”

Many stories are told of Cyrus' death; but according to Herodotus this version was the most credible. Considering Scythian customs, it seems likely that Cyrus’ head ended up becoming a drinking cup in Tomyris’ tent. According to others, Cyrus indeed died in this battle, but his body was brought back to Persia. And a few others suggest more dignified endings for the King of Kings. But this version I just presented is the one that is repeated most often.

Just as quickly as she entered the pages of history, Tomyris exited them and we don’t know anything more about her. However, her name lived on to be referenced in one of Shakespeare’s plays, had a planet named after her, and she’s still a national hero in Kazakhstan where coins were minted in her honor. It’s likely that she lived an amazing life but all we know about her is this one moment, when the King of Kings thought he could push around the Queen of the Massagetae.