It Was All Worth It

A few days ago, my daughter turned sixteen. We shared great food, hung out by the sea and laughed more than should be legally allowed.

At some point, having a day like this had looked like a very long shot. At some point, the odds had been very much not in our favor. She was introduced to life’s harsh side early on. She wasn’t even two years old when her mother died. Besides being fucked up by grief, I was faced with a thousand practical problems. We were losing our home, my career was taking a nosedive, and I was an emotional wreck. I was doing the best I could, but I’m sure my daughter deserved better than what I was able to deliver. And on top of having to put up with my failings, my daughter had her own gigantic loss to deal with. I remember once, just a few weeks after our life was turned upside down, seeing her find her mother’s driving license and spend the rest of the morning holding it, kissing it, and rubbing it on her head because that was the closest thing she had to cuddling with her mom.

So, no, she didn’t have things easy.

I remember one day when she was 8 or 9 years old, and she shared a list she wrote of things I had done that made her happy. It went like this:

"When my mom died, he took care of me.

When he would pick me up and dance.

When he taught me how to fight.

When he would take me to see the moon.

When we'd snuggle up and watch movies.

When he tells me stories.

When he would say I'm a beast and he's proud of me.

When he helps me memorize some multiplications."

I'd say anything else I've done in life is a distant second to what’s on this list. Given the circumstances, I think I did ok. Part of me feels like I could have done a lot better. Part thinks it’s a miracle I was able to do as well as I did. Both parts are probably right.

Growing up in a household in which storytelling was as an important part of life as oxygen and food, my daughter developed early on a passion for it. In addition to storytelling, one of her other main passions is music. Recently, she decided to combine the two by creating videos telling the tales of musicians kissed by the Muse, of songs that make you feel happy to be alive, and her own personal experiences with them. The first of these videos was in occasion of her 16^th birthday. Many more will come. If you dig music and storytelling, you may want to give her channel a follow.